likesthestooges | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

"You have to keep your breathing rhythmical."

Aidan had been trying to help Martha prepare for the birth of Alfie, and while he wasn't an expert in maternity care he had seen several births in his time and had a general idea of things from his medical training. That, and it was an excellent reason to spend more time with Martha, which Aidan had to admit was becoming more and more difficult to do without seeming suspicious.

Not that he really needed an excuse, he supposed, it was just... complicated, if he showed up just to hang out, especially considering all the time he already spent with her. He just didn't want it to be weird.

"Short or long breaths, the important part is to keep it rhythmical."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Okay," she says, pushing her hair back from her face and shooting him a look. She raises her eyebrows and tries it again. She's a clever woman, all those years of University and practise behind her. She can get breathing right.

Probably.

She was doing even better that time, breathing like she should be in the strange manner that seemed to be perfectly acceptable only when giving birth.

"Good, that's a lot better," Aidan said with a nod. He knew she probably felt ridiculous, but it was a very simple thing to do that would help her out quite a bit.

"I know it sounds simple, but you'll definitely want it to be automatic when you're delivering. And you do breath erratically when you're excited."

"Excited?" says Martha, quirking an eyebrow. "I don't know if excited's the word that I'd use for the prospect of that kind of pain." Her mouth quirks and she huffs out a trio of short, sharp breaths.

"Are you going to come and hold my hand, too?"

"If you thought it would help, I'll be there," he told her. It was the sort of thing a good friend would do for another, especially since the baby's father wasn't there for it. Realizing it might be taken as more though, Aidan decided to change the subject.

"And if not excited then worked up," Aidan said, smirking just a bit. "AI suppose the type of pain I normally see you enjoy isn't quite the same. A smack on your backside and childbirth are-"

"Oh, shut the fuck up," says Martha, grinning even as she slaps him, hard on the arm. "Or next time, it's you getting slapped."

"You don't know, I might really be into that," he said, grinning even more as he rubbed at his arm. That was probably the hardest she'd hit him for that sort of comment, but he supposed he deserved it.

"And I'll let the people at the clinic know that when you start to go into labor, for someone to come find me."

There, that way he could be there and there was no awkwardness of a touching question or anything like that. Besides, Aidan did want to be there for her, he wanted to help her bring her son into the world.

"Remind me to try it sometime. I'll make myself a note," she says, leaning half back against him and rolling her eyes. So close to giving birth now, she feels massive pretty much all of the time.

"You'd do that?"

"If you don't mind."

He brought his hands up to rub her shoulders, trying to ease some of her tension. He knew she was really feeling the pregnancy now, probably in the stage where she was eager to give birth just so her body could return back to normal.

"I mean, if there's someone else you'd prefer..."

"There's nobody I'd prefer."

Leaning back against him with his hands on her, she closes her eyes and she really doesn't care if there are implications there.

Because there isn't anyone else on the island that she'd want.

Aidan had to think about that for a moment, wanting to make perfectly sure he knew what she was saying.

"Nobody else or nobody at all?" he asked. "Because that's an important distinction I need to have made clear."

Maybe it's easier if she's not looking at him. She's been trying to pin down how she feels about it. And maybe that sums it up.

"Nobody else."

"Good, I'd like to be there for you," Aidan admitted. It was an innocent enough admission, he hoped. In their rather relaxed and embraced state, it didn't feel unnatural or forced. It was just saying how he felt.

It's on the tip of her tongue to ask them. For days now, she's been thinking that things are shifting between them - 'friends' doesn't seem like an accurate description anymore. Sometimes she feels like walking on eggshells, like it'd be too much trouble to have the conversation.

And the last thing she wants to do is fuck things up because of pregnancy hormones.

But maybe she stiffens a little.

Aidan felt her stiffen against him and massaged a bit deeper. Maybe the best thing to do would have been to ask what's wrong, but he's almost afraid of that answer. He may be an expert at lying to himself but that doesn't mean that deep down he doesn't know the truth, and the truth is that 'just friends' don't do some of the things they've been doing.

So he decided to just keep lying to himself. He was good at it and had a lot of practice. In a way, it was almost familiar.

"Aidan," she says, her voice catching a little. She picks at one thumbnail with the other and frowns a little. "We have to talk about this."

"I think you've got most of this birth coaching stuff down," he said. He knew that's not what she was talking about, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to discuss anything more. If he ever would be. As soon as they started talking about it, things would change. Even if this was somewhat fake, and maybe he had lived too long with believing that fake things were the best he could do, it was good and he didn't want that to end.

They keep doing this. She keeps going to say something and then stopping. The island is a lot like home; sometimes, it feels like she's barely got anyone at all.

She's so scared of losing him.

"That isn't what I mean, Aidan," she says, dragging in a short, sharp breath. "And you know it."

Aidan sighed, knowing it was futile to try and pretend he had no clue what she was talking about. For one, it would be insulting to her intelligence and it would also probably be hurtful for another.

Still, he didn't move away from her. Maybe he liked the closeness more than he was worried about them being "something."

"What do you think this is?" he asked. "Or... what do you want it to be?"

"I don't want to fucking anything up," she says, chewing on the corner of that nail. "And I don't want to lose you, Aidan. I'm...not interested in anything that means I bloody lose you. But..."

She swallows and closes her eyes.

"I don't want to be your friend, either."

Aidan needed to think on this, it wasn't something that he could or should rush into. He was also considerate enough to know that a long period of silence would be agonizing for Martha at this point.

"I don't want to lose you either," he reassured her, hugging her close. And it was true, he didn't.

He liked Martha, he cared for her, but relationships were always complicated with him. It wasn't even that he wanted the freedom of not being tied down to someone. Quite the opposite, it's something he hadn't been able to have for so long he wanted it badly. And he knew that he honestly wanted to be with her, there was always just trepidation when taking that step.

"And we would make pretty terrible enemies," he said, a brief attempt at levity before moving on. "But if we're going to be more than friends we might want to... make sure we don't rush ahead of where we already are."

There's something comforting in the way he wraps his arms around her like that. She curls her fingers around his forearm and held on.

"Believe me, love. You don't want me as an enemy." She raises an eyebrow. "And where are we?"

"No, I wouldn't," Aidan said with a chuckle. Martha was a formidable enough woman as a friend, or more than one, let alone an enemy.

"We're spending the night together just to sleep near the other, walking along the beach holding hands, and while I like that all it's... I don't want to rush things."

"I'm not asking for a ring on my finger, Aidan," she says. Her tone is deadpan; it's difficult to know if she's serious or not.

"I know," he said. Aidan knew that she wasn't being unreasonable or asking for the world.

"I am definitely not ready for that anyway. Just before coming here I had to... deal with a complicated situation with two exes and I'm just- I want to be more than friends, but I don't want to rush into anything."

"As long as we're admitting it to ourselves, I don't see what has to change," she says, shuffling and turning a little bit until she can look him in the face. "I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm not asking you to move in, I still want you there when Alfie's born. What's different?"

Aidan closed his eyes for a moment to think. He wasn't sure how he could explain it, that he had just killed two women he'd been in relationships with and had a whole trainwreck of similar ones in his past.

"I think some of what I was comfortable doing was because I was pretending we were just friends," he said, opening his eyes. "I don't want to go backwards, but I expect I might be more cautious about moving further."

"I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do, Aidan," she says, and she manages to keep anything cold out of her voice but it does come out flat. "I lived this long without a boyfriend; I'm pretty sure I can survive."

"No, that's not what I mean," he said. She may not have sounded completely upset but he could tell that he hadn't explained himself well.

"This is something I want. I'm just saying, we got to this point over a fairly short amount of time. I want to be with you, but I don't want to rush things from this point on."

She looks back at him, the corner of her mouth twitching, eyebrow raised. She almost smiles.

"Does that mean you don't want to stay the night?"

Aidan almost joked that he had to go tell all his other "friends" he was a taken man, but that was scarily like reality.

"I suppose I could help you work on your breathing more," he said, running his hands up and down her arms. "Although I suppose I don't have to use that excuse anymore."

"You could just tell me that you want to stay because you like staying," she says, and fixed him with a very definite look. "Because you want to be here."

"I way to stay because you're here and I like being with you," Aidan said. It was somewhat of a big admission considering how much he had danced around it before, it felt nice to say.

A broad, genuine smile spread across her face and she actually blushed as she leaned in and pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth.

Aidan liked that smile, it was probably the happiest he had seen her and if there was any doubt that he had made the right decision, seeing that look on her face erased it.

"You're not happy or anything, are you?"

"What gives you that impression?" she asks, shifting away from him enough to curl on her side on the bed, one arm pillowed behind her head.

"That giant grin, mostly," he said, smiling at her and reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from her face.

She catches his wrist, turning her head to press a kiss against the palm of his hand.

"Just lie down with me."

"I see, now we're official and you get all bossy," Aidan said, although he happily laid down next her and scooted a bit closer.

"I was bossy before," she murmurs, curling in close and closing her eyes. "You just weren't paying attention."

"That's alright, it's one of the things I like about you," he assured her, draping an arm over her side.

"Oh, good," she says, voice dry and flat, even as her fingers are threading with his to squeeze gently. "I'll start keeping a list."

"Don't worry too much about that," he reassured her, slowly closing his eyes. "I can remind you pretty frequently."

"You can remind me all you like," she murmurs, stifling the yawn against the pillow. "Long as you stay."

"I'll have to go home eventually, or Josh might start freaking out about where I've been," Aidan said. They'd both learned that either of them just disappearing for lengths of time usually wasn't a good thing.

"Nobody's asking you to move in," she says, marvelling, for a moment, at the way her spine fits so neatly against him. "Just stay the night."

"You don't know how badly Josh can freak out," he said, yawning a bit and letting his body relax. "But staying the night will be fine."

"Anything to keep Josh from freaking out," she murmurs, words indistinct, already slipping towards sleep.

Aidan gave her a chuckle before kissing her neck one last time before settling in to fall asleep.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only